Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
