my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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