Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
