I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
