Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
