Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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