Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
