I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
