Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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