There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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