it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
