I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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