im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
