Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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