This is not my ceiling
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
