He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
