You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
