Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
