I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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