Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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