He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize