It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
