I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
