if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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