this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
