So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
