So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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