A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
