Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize