There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
