since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
