Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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