guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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