So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
