all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
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If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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