she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
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My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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