You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
