I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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