Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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