How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
