I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
