My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
