in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
