If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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