My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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