Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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