This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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