1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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