Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
