I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
