She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
