Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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