I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
