this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
