I am puke
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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