I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
