saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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