How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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