Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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