I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
