we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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