Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
