so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
