Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
that's an acceptable place to lick
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
