Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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