You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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