He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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